Chaplain (Capt.) Paul Jackman, 4-70th Armored Regiment

Lessons in gratitude

By Chaplain (Capt.) Paul Jackman, 4-70th Armored Regiment

A Soldier who was experiencing some trouble in his marriage came to visit me. Although he noted that experiences like this had occurred once in a while during his marriage, this one felt particularly troublesome.

He said he had been to the legal assistance to find out how much a divorce would cost. Not that he wanted one, but he wanted to be prepared. 

With the clouds of gloom hanging overhead, we talked about the fight he and his wife had experienced that morning, and how it was affecting his work. We talked about their patterns of communication and options for what might make a difference. 

I inquired about his religious beliefs and asked if he felt that prayer might be helpful. He described his belief system to me, and explained that he didn't feel that it was appropriate to ask for favors from God, but rather that prayer should be used only to express gratitude. 

I asked if he would like to lead us in prayer. He thought for a bit and said, “Yes, I think I can do that. I can think of some appropriate things to pray.” 

As we bowed our heads, and he addressed the Divine, I noticed how often I approach the Lord with desires, and how infrequently I come in order to acknowledge all the blessings He constantly showers upon me.

Even though this Soldier came to my office in the depths of despair, he was still able to acknowledge the good that existed in his life. Though we didn't share the same belief system, I could very sincerely offer a hearty “amen” at the conclusion of his prayer. 

This wasn't the first time I had noticed the effect of gratitude, but it was a reminder of how powerful it is, and how it can improve a life. 

A few years back I was given the opportunity to attend the Master Resiliency School at Fort Jackson, South Carolina. It was a course unlike any other that I had attended in uniform. 

We had all reported to the classroom a little before the allotted time. As we sat and waited for the instructors, I met some of the people to my right and left. The time came and went, and still no one stepped in front of the class. 

Suddenly some music started playing from the back of the class and people began dancing down the aisle. They clapped and sang and waved to the students.

I thought, “What in the world have I gotten myself into?” They seemed to be unusually happy. 

The class turned out to be a very enlightening experience. I soon learned why the instructors were so happy. The first topic of study was called “Hunt the Good Stuff.” The instructor noted that the target skill was to learn to overcome our natural tendency to notice the negative aspects of life, and instead, notice the “good stuff.” 

We were taught that recognizing the good would help us develop optimism. The instructor challenged us to note three good things we had experienced that morning; it was difficult. 

Most of us struggled to find two positive things. The routine continued for the duration of the class and it soon became more natural. In a couple days, instead of grumbling that it was cold outside, we were noting how grateful we were for our coats and gloves. Instead of grumbling about the limited menu of the continental breakfast, we were grateful for the food provided for us each day. 

We noticed the birds in the tree and appreciated their song. Instead of grumbling about poor cell phone reception, we were grateful we could talk to our loved ones back home if we stood in the right place and we were grateful that they are a part of our lives.

It was amazing to me how happy I became as I made the effort to acknowledge the good things that surround me every day. 

I learned to appreciate the words of the American Unitarian minister, Jenkin Lloyd Jones:

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal in life is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old-time rail journey — delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally with beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank God for letting you have the ride.”